When I was growing up, I was very close to all my first cousins. We were close as brothers and sisters, and we always hung out together - something that I miss today. As we grew older, we drank a lot of beer and raised a lot of hell together. From the time we were young children until the time we were adults, we stood shoulder-to-shoulder whenever one of us was in trouble. Their friends were my friends; their enemies were my enemies. I even disliked the people my mom disliked.
Back then, it was all about getting even. If someone crossed you or your relative, you would wait for as long as it took to get even. I remember advising my nephew, who had just moved here from New Mexico, "Never forgive and never forget, Vince." A couple of years later, his mom told me that Vince had repeated what I told him, "Uncle Hobo said never to forgive or forget mom...." I was proud when I heard that. Little did I realize I was passing down my hate to the next generation.
It took me many years of sobriety to realize how harmful vendettas are and how they can stand in the way of making the reservation a better place to live. I recall my first year teaching third grade, and how hard I had to work to suppress my feelings of dislike toward a child whose family I was feuding with. I managed to overcome those feelings, and I worked hard to try to get along with other families that I did not previously get along with. I realized I was a teacher and was held to a higher standard.
A vendetta basically means formalized private warfare, especially between family groups. As I pointed out, this describes the action of families when I was young. Today, vendetta has taken on a whole new meaning. Today, a vendetta usually begins when a group of individuals, not necessarily related by blood, are drawn together, usually by some unethical reason, to get even with an individual who they perceive has done them wrong. Below are two instances where this modern type of vendetta has caused two families enormous personal harm. Believe me, having been on the receiving end of these types of vendettas throughout the years, I can tell you.... If you are not a courageous person, these vendettas will make you quit your job or resign from your position as a board member or committee member.
The first one is fairly simple. Two young, smart, educated tribal members, who happen to be siblings, cannot get a job on their home reservation because the powers-that-be do not like their parents. These two young tribal members are extremely hard working, talented, well grounded individuals. They are the type of individuals/workers that reservations need badly to provide quality service to tribal members. The other example involves a tribal program director who was fired from his/her job by the incoming chairperson due to something that had happened years before and had nothing to do with the tribe. Without a job, this talented individual moved off the reservation and found a job elsewhere. The story does not end there. The daughter of the unfairly fired program director, who was an honor student, vowed never to return to the reservation once she graduated from high school. Unfortunately for that reservation, the daughter kept her word. She is now a college educated, highly respected, competent professional working on a different reservation.
Vendettas are often part of society's norm, however, the need to plainly "get even" with someone is often caused by low self-esteem, which I will explain in my next blog.
Back then, it was all about getting even. If someone crossed you or your relative, you would wait for as long as it took to get even. I remember advising my nephew, who had just moved here from New Mexico, "Never forgive and never forget, Vince." A couple of years later, his mom told me that Vince had repeated what I told him, "Uncle Hobo said never to forgive or forget mom...." I was proud when I heard that. Little did I realize I was passing down my hate to the next generation.
It took me many years of sobriety to realize how harmful vendettas are and how they can stand in the way of making the reservation a better place to live. I recall my first year teaching third grade, and how hard I had to work to suppress my feelings of dislike toward a child whose family I was feuding with. I managed to overcome those feelings, and I worked hard to try to get along with other families that I did not previously get along with. I realized I was a teacher and was held to a higher standard.
A vendetta basically means formalized private warfare, especially between family groups. As I pointed out, this describes the action of families when I was young. Today, vendetta has taken on a whole new meaning. Today, a vendetta usually begins when a group of individuals, not necessarily related by blood, are drawn together, usually by some unethical reason, to get even with an individual who they perceive has done them wrong. Below are two instances where this modern type of vendetta has caused two families enormous personal harm. Believe me, having been on the receiving end of these types of vendettas throughout the years, I can tell you.... If you are not a courageous person, these vendettas will make you quit your job or resign from your position as a board member or committee member.
The first one is fairly simple. Two young, smart, educated tribal members, who happen to be siblings, cannot get a job on their home reservation because the powers-that-be do not like their parents. These two young tribal members are extremely hard working, talented, well grounded individuals. They are the type of individuals/workers that reservations need badly to provide quality service to tribal members. The other example involves a tribal program director who was fired from his/her job by the incoming chairperson due to something that had happened years before and had nothing to do with the tribe. Without a job, this talented individual moved off the reservation and found a job elsewhere. The story does not end there. The daughter of the unfairly fired program director, who was an honor student, vowed never to return to the reservation once she graduated from high school. Unfortunately for that reservation, the daughter kept her word. She is now a college educated, highly respected, competent professional working on a different reservation.
Vendettas are often part of society's norm, however, the need to plainly "get even" with someone is often caused by low self-esteem, which I will explain in my next blog.
