As many of you know, my son Joel, left us to go to the Spirit World several years ago, when he was seventeen years old. Over the years, I have met many parents who wanted to talk about losing a child of their own.
This is a response to one of those parents, but it is also directed at anyone who has lost a child. Please do not take offense to anything I have to say. I am simply being honest about how I view the grieving process, and our (my) relationship with the Spirit World.
Before I start, let me recommend a wonderful book for you to read. It is called Hello From Heaven. It is a very good book for those of us who lost a child (or anyone for that matter). The stories in it are amazing. I was told about this book by a woman I met in DC when I went there to read grants shortly after Joel went to the Spirit World. The woman had lost her 21-year-old son and had stumbled upon this book. When she found out I recently lost my son, she recommended the book to me. She also told me she met with other parents who lost their son, and at the end of one of the meetings one of the men came up to her and asked her to describe her son again -- so she did.
"Well he was sitting over there during the whole meeting," the man told her pointing at a chair. Another interesting thing she told me was this; although she had never physically seen or touched her son after he died in a car accident, she "sensed" he was in a small college town and was very happy. I believed her, and here is the reason why, which is also my message to those parents who lost a child:
I believe any Deity (Wakan Tonka to us) who has the power to create the the entire universe has the power/compassion to give each of us our own reality. This is why I believed the lady when she told me she sensed her son was in a small college town. That is why I believe my Joel is able to "communicate" with me through dreams, or a hawk flying in front of my car when I am starting on a trip, or an eagle circling over head when ever I am thinking of him, or numerous other signs. Wakan Tonka gives us our reality (within reason of course).
I also believe and accept that there is no physical travel between this world and the Spirit World for some reason that we humans were not meant to know. The two worlds will never intermingle. And that is okay with me, because I know; some day I will travel to the Spirit World and will be reunited with Joel and all my relatives. As much as I love my son, I am not in a hurry to leave this world, and my other sons and daughter, anytime soon.
I also believe any communication with the Spirit World originates with the Creator, not with us. For reasons we are not meant to know, he chooses who, when, and in what form this communication will happen. As parents who lost a child are aware, these communications are never enough for those of us who lost a child.
I attended a ceremony where the spiritual leader told me to be alert because Joel would give me signs that he is with me. I experienced many "unusual" activities after my talk with that spiritual leader, which I interpreted were signs from Joel. Likewise, many parents may have had "visits" from their children, but perhaps they were not alert to those visits. One of the reasons parents may have missed visits from their child is because... perhaps they are looking for a mortal being. I know all parent who lost a child, including me, would like nothing better than to hold and talk to our children. However, I have accepted I have no control over the Spirit World. I have to take what the Creator gives me in regards to "visits" from my son. And I am thankful he is giving me many signs that lets me know Joel is "with me".
Although I cannot control what happens in the Spirit World, I had a firm belief Wakan Tonka would eventually take pity on me if I ask him to show me a sign from Joel. And he did. I have had special dreams, which I know are about Joel, and I see Joel through his little brother's actions and the actions of my grandchildren.
Many Dakotas grew up in big cities and do not know our ways. I believe if they study our language they will automatically absorb some of our philosophy -- which is that this world and the Spirit World are closer than the white man teaches. When they understand is, they will see signs of their children all around them. Granted, it will not be the same as physically holding their or talking with their child, but it will be comforting all the same.
I know Dakota parents miss their children terribly. However, regardless of where they live, what they believe in at heart they are Dakota, learning the language will help them understand the Dakota philosophies of life so much better, and I believe will lead them to some kind of peace with their child's death. I know this because when Joel died, I found myself turning to our traditional beliefs as opposed to turning to the Christian belief. Our beliefs seem to offer me much more comfort and understanding of the Spirit World.
In closing, I urge Dakota parent to learn our ways and use that knowledge to understand and accept there is a barrier between this world and the Spirit World that no one will cross until death. Also help your other children to understand their rich heritage that our people have. An understanding of our Dakota ways will help you in many, many ways.
Pidomiya Koda (Thank you my friend)
