The Passing of a Relative

I am sorry to say, a close relative of mine, an older cousin, passed away recently.  I was on my way to Las Vegas when I received the news.  I was shocked and saddened by the news because my cousin was still fairly young.  She was sixty-six years old and appeared so full of life the last time I saw her, which was a couple of months ago.  And although it had been years since I had sat down and visited with her, I still thought of her as one of my favorite cousins.

My cousin was ten years older than I and grew up in Fort Totten, while I grew up in Crowhill.  When I was between the ages of 10 - 14, I would often walk from Crowhill to my aunt's home in Fort Totten, a distance of about four miles.  My aunt's home had electricity; and therefore, a TV, my main reason for going there, and we didn't.  Plus, most of my aunt's older children had left home, and there were nine of us in our one room log cabin; so it was good to get away once in a while.

It was during this time that I got to know my cousin fairly well.  She always was glad to see me and made sure that I had something to eat and a bed to sleep on.  When I got older, I used to baby sit for her.  She always paid me well and made sure she bought my favorite snacks.  Although she was several years older then me, she always treated me as an equal.  Throughout the years, every time I went to visit her, she was always glad to see me and treated me exceptionally well.  She was one of the nicest and most generous persons I have ever met.

So, when I heard the news of her passing, my first impulse was to turn around and go home, and I almost did.  After all, she was one of my favorite cousins.  But I realized I should be home in time for her wake and funeral.

As it turned out, I did return from Las Vegas before my cousin's wake and funeral.  However, I was scheduled to go to Rapid City to attend a language conference, which would mean I would miss Linda's wake and funeral if I decided to go.

Unfortunately, times have changed.  Now business and professional commitments often supersede personal commitments.  When I returned home from Las Vegas, I immediately prepared to go to Rapid City.  Feeling bad because I would not be at both my cousin's wake and funeral, I had my daughter order flowers.  I also had her buy some food to "help out" the family feed that is part of the wake and funeral.  Finally, I wrote a short speech that I asked my daughter to read at the funeral for me.

I left for Rapid City feeling somewhat mollified that I done what I could.  However, I could not stop feeling bad that I was going to miss both my cousin's wake and funeral.  The bad feeling persisted the first day of the conference.  Finally, I thought, "My God!  She is my first cousin, and we grew up together.  Why am I here instead of at the funeral?"  Unable to answer that question, I suddenly felt ashamed of myself and decided to leave for home.  It was 5:45 p.m. when I started packing my bags, and by 6:15 p.m. I was on the interstate east of Rapid City heading home.  I put my cruise control on 80 mph and only stopped twice.  When I arrived at the funeral the next day, I paid my respects to Linda then visited several of my relatives who had traveled long distances to attend the wake and funeral.

I do not know why I considered skipping my cousin's wake and funeral.  Have I forgotten our "old ways" that missing a cousin's wake and funeral is no big deal to me anymore?  Was the conference so important?

I realize now that I need to practice the values that I grew up with.  Had I done that, I would not have considered missing my cousin's wake and funeral.  I am glad I changed my mind and was there to see her leave on her journey to the Spirit World.  As close as we once were, as good as she treated me, it was the least I could do for her.