From the moment I gave up alcohol 27 years ago, I was always searching for something. Within three years of becoming sober, I had obtained a teaching degree and was teaching 3rd grade at our tribal school. I was also appointed to the college board of regents around this time. After teaching third grade for three years I went to work at our tribal college as the Academic Dean. Within twelve years after achieving sobriety I was a tribal college president. Although I became a single parent around this time - my life was great. I eventually went on to obtain a doctorate degree and a form Spirit Lake Consulting with my good friend Dr. Ann Maria De Mars - we made a lot of money during those years.
However, in spite of my satisfaction with my professional accomplishments, beyond the joy of raising three boys and one daughter, there was always something missing in my life. I would try to fill this void by moving on to a new project or taking on a new challenge. However, the satisfaction I felt from another accomplishment and overcoming another challenge would last only briefly then I would have to move on to something new to keep that nagging feeling of emptiness at bay.
Once I returned to my Dakota way of life (values) I realized that the void inside me, that feeling of emptiness, was caused by my own deceitfulness about who I really was. This recognition of my character's weaknesses was hard to accept at first. After all, no one was complaining. In fact, my children loved and respected me, many of my relatives and friends spoke highly of me. So what was the problem? Here was the problem; by not practicing the values my Dakota mom instilled in me, I wasn't living up to the potential the Creator has instilled in me. I should have been a much better parent, I should have been a much better brother to my brothers and sisters, I should have been a much better relative to my many cousins, nieces, and nephews, I should not have taken advantage of my friends and I certainly could have had a better work ethic.
And deep down I knew it... I knew I did just enough to get by, not what I should have done or what I was capable of. But I didn't try to become that person because I was lazy, I was selfish and at times I was a moral coward.
As time when by, the older I grew, I begin to return to the values taught to me during my youth. As a result, it became harder to keep lying to myself... and it was this unwanted knowledge that was making me so unhappy at times.
So I begin to try to live by the values my mother taught me. However, it wasn't until four years ago when I begin writing and talking about our traditional values of courage, honesty, perseverance, and generosity that I slowly came to the realization of how powerful our Dakota values are - if you choose to live by them.
Our values appear so simple and in many ways they are. Once a person begins to incorporate them into their lives they will soon realize how much more rewarding their lives will be. When this happens they will get a glimmer of understanding of just how wise our ancestors were to have adopted the values courage, honesty, perseverance and generosity to guide them is everything they did.
Although I have a long, long way to go in truly understanding the full extent of our traditional values the little I did learn about them and by incorporating this knowledge into all aspects of my life has brought me that inner peace that has eluded me all these years.
