BACKGROUND:
Hobo Joe's story:
Several
months ago, I received a Friend request from a childhood acquaintance.
Well, that is not exactly true. We never were acquaintances. We did
grow up on the same reservation, we are the same age, we went to the same grade
school, but we never spoke to each other. After graduating from 8th grade
we went to different high schools, as there was not a high school on our
reservation at that time. At some point, I heard that she had transferred
to Flandreau Indian School in Flandreau, SD and I never saw her after
that. That was 45+ years ago. Other than hearing that she had
married right out of high school and moved away, and a few rare discussions,
which prompted memories of her I never once thought about her over the years.
When
she sent a Friend request to my alter ego, Hobo Joe, I not only remembered, but
I remembered her as a very pretty girl who was always teasing and giggling.
And, a very vivid memory of her soon popped into my head; a teacher was
scolding her so I turned around and looked back at her. She had the usual
mischievous look on her face and was just beginning to sit in her chair.
I recall she was pulling her very short skirt down while she sat down.
At first I had no idea why I remembered that scene, now I
do - kind of, but I am getting ahead of myself.
Because
she sent my alter ego, Hobo Joe, a Friend request I thought that is the name
she remembered me by. Hobo Joe is the name most people knew me by back
then. I soon learned she did not remember me as Hobo Joe,
or as Erich Longie either. I found hard that hard to believe. (How
could anyone forget Hobojoe lol)?
When
I received her request, I messaged her and asked her why she wanted to be my
friend. It is something I do with most requests I receive. With her
I had another reason to be cautious. I had several runs in with her
family in the past. In my case I have long let bygones be bygones, but I was
not sure about her family. She comes from a close family, just like mine,
so I know when you fight with one you fight with all of them. Her
response to my questions seemed to confirm my suspicions that she was sensitive
about the trouble between her family and me for she wrote, "...I'll just
block you than!" I responded by suggesting she settle down, I
explained I was simply being careful. Long story short we became Friends.
Little
did I know what fate had in store for me. What happened next affected my
life in way that took this old hard-core bachelor totally by surprise.
Bunny's
story:
Some months ago, while
browsing Facebook I stumbled across a name that I did not recognize, but the
person was from Spirit Lake, North Dakota, my home reservation. At the
time, I was trying to connect with the community back home. Most of my relatives
lives but seldom discuss news outside the family`. I thought
maybe this person would post things about home that I do not hear about.
I sent a friend request to Hobojoe Langer a person I did not know. I
did recognize the last name since my dad said the Langers were our relatives.
I thought I was sending a request to a relative. Hobojoe first asked why
I wanted to be friends with him, which I thought was weird. Most people
either accept or delete your request. I assumed he was arrogant and fussy
about whom he accepts as friends. Being very quick tempered I put up my
defenses I said I would block him. But, he was quick to tell me to
wait. He told me his real name was Erich Longie. I still did not
know who he was. I remembered his younger brother but not him. I
remembered the name Erich Longie but I did not remember the person; this is
where our friendship began.
FIRST MEETING:
Hobo Joe's story:
We
messaged each other off and on and after a couple of weeks, I checked out her
Facebook page. I was surprised to learn she was single for I knew she had
married her high school sweetheart and they moved to his home
reservation. I quickly thought... well what most ndn think when a middle
age woman becomes single; her husband left her for a younger woman. It
was not any of my business so I never asked about her husband. Soon after
we became FB friends I learned I was going to be traveling to a city in the
state where she lived and I asked her if she wanted to meet me for
dinner. She quickly accepted my invitation. I admit I was
interested in meeting her after 45 + years, however, I still considered our
dinner date as non-romantic. As a committed bachelor, I have lunch with
women all the time. I had even invited the consultant I was meeting with
the next day to accompany me to the dinner. While we were waiting in the
lobby for her I suddenly changed my mind and told him I wanted to eat with her
alone.
She
walked into the hotel lobby like she owned the place, which made a heck of an
impression on me. We went to dinner and had one of the nicest dinner
conversations I ever had. We talked about events from our youth that we
both recalled, although we recalled them differently. It was a very
pleasant walk down memory lane, with a woman from another era, the same era I
grew up in. We both grew up in the same harsh reservation environment of
the 1950's and 1960's. She reminded me of my sisters, mom, my aunties,
and other women from back then. She had the same strength, honesty, and
no-nonsense approach of women raised in a tough environment. I had the
impression, here was a woman who took all what life threw at her, and it only
made her stronger. I was impressed. The evening went by all too
fast and she had to leave. She told me she had planned to go to Spirit
Lake to visit her brothers and sisters and I immediately asked if I could take
her for lunch at The View or the Buffet when she came and she agreed.
Bunny's story:
We messaged off and on.
I tried to remember him but could not. We said we would visit if I went
home for our Indian days, in the end I was unable to go. I know I had
invited him and his granddaughters to come to Crow Fair and offered to let them
stay at my house. But they never came. We continued to message now
and then. Then to my surprise I get a message from Erich saying he would
be in Billings and asked if it was okay to have a late lunch. This was
the time of year for educators' conference and I was scheduled for workshops
that Thursday and Friday I knew time was limited during the day...I asked if he
was in Billings and he said he would arrive around 6 that Wednesday
evening. We agreed to late dinner. I was so excited. (Felt
like a teenager) I told my grandkids I was going to dinner with a man from
home. My granddaughter said who is he? My reply was "I don't
know" I met him on Facebook. I was teased about having a blind
date. Hahaha. I met him in the lobby where he was staying. I
met the person who he was with first. I do not even remember him now.
Then Erich stood up.... my heart did a jump.... I was meeting
someone from home for the first time. I felt no shyness no
uncomfortableness with him, only a feeling of happiness that I was going to be
visiting with a person from home. Honestly, I do not remember what I ate
that evening I was so excited. We talked and talked for 2 hours. It
was like this person knew me, knew my family, but I could not I remember
him. All the time we talked I kept asking myself why couldn't I remember
him? It was such a good evening. He was a very polite, shy,
gentleman. Later I commented it was like picking up a conversation that
we had started years ago...everything about dinner, the conversation, his presence,
seemed so natural. Before I left he had invited me to lunch or dinner
whenever I went back to Spirit Lake
THE NEXT DAY:
Hobo Joe' Story
As
I usually do I posted about our dinner before I went to sleep. I have
dinner with different women all the time, but somehow this one was different.
I kept thinking about the warm feeling I had during our dinner. The
next day when I when I was traveling home, my mind kept returning to the dinner
and conversation and how pleasant it was to be in her company. I
very much wanted to see her again. At some point, I checked my Facebook
and saw that she had also posted about our dinner. She had called me a
gentleman (which no ever does) and said our discussion was like we picked up a
conversation we started many years before. I thought that was the perfect
description of our exchange. Her post started a warm glow in the pit of
my stomach. But, I had a pressing issue at home I knew I had to deal
with and I quickly pushed the happiness to the back of my mind.
Bunny's story:
I was on cloud 9 the rest of
the week. I told myself to stop acting like a foolish schoolgirl. I
was 63 years old and a great-grandmother and what I felt toward a stranger was
dumb.
LUNCH AT DAKOTAH BUFFET:
Hobo Joe's Story:
She
came home to visit her brothers and sisters and as we agreed, we met at the
casino Saturday for lunch. I arrived at the buffet first and got us a
table. I saw her walk in and I suddenly became nervous and shy.
However, once we were seated I was totally comfortable with her. During
the meal at the Dakotah buffet she hinted that she was aware of the problems
that existed between her family and I, but it did not prevent us from totally
enjoying each other's company. Sunday morning, she messages me and told me
she was leaving in a couple of hours. My home was on her way so I
almost told her to stop by my house to say good bye. I picked up my
phone before I decided not to. I figured I better not push my luck. Regardless,
I wanted to see this lady again, but I had my doubts whether it was
even feasible for us to get together again.
Bunny's story:
I finally decided to go to Fort
Totten to see my family at the end of October. I messaged Erich told him and we
made plans to have dinner. When I arrived home Friday, I was so busy with my sisters
and visiting that I did not meet Erich for dinner. I messaged Erich the next
day and we planned to meet for lunch. Unfortunately, my sisters planned an
early sister day the same day. I did not want to miss my lunch date
with Erich so I told them I had a date for lunch. When I told everyone, it was
Erich Longie I was meeting for lunch a couple of eyebrows went up although no
one said anything. At the time, I thought it was because they were
all thinking about my late husband. However, when I told an in-law
who I was meeting she was shocked beyond belief and I begin to suspect maybe my
family did not like Erich. I met Erich at the casino buffet for
lunch anyway. I was not disappointed; we picked up right where we left off in
Billings. It was an enjoyable hour. The food was okay, but it was our
conversation and his company that I found exciting. Before I left I
told him the next time he is in Billings he could come to my place for a home
cooked meal.
HOME COOKED MEAL
Hobo Joe's story:
To
be honest I did not think there was a snowball's chance in hell that I would
every take her up on her invitation for a home cooked meal. As much as I
enjoyed her company I could not see how it was feasible for us to get together
with 600 miles between. I did make a mental note to contact her the next time I
was in her part of the country. When I was invited to a meeting in Rapid
City I messaged her to ask if her invitation for a home cooked meal was
still open. She said it was. Fortunately, the agenda changed after
the meeting started. I had some free time during the afternoon. I
messaged her and told her I would be there late that evening.
She warned me a storm was coming. (This is the first time I told her
weather does not factor in to my decision when I travel.) I did not
hesitate, I gassed up my truck and headed to Lodge Grass. To be honest it
was further than I thought, but the scenery was so
beautiful I did not mind. Reservation towns are terrible when you are
trying to find someone. I had to call her and she directed me to her home.
I was a little apprehensive when I went inside, but she soon made
feel at ease. She served me the best home cooked meal I had in a long
time. Again, she hinted that she knew that her family did not care
for me. This was the third time she mentioned the subject and I begin to wonder
when she would stop chatting with me for I knew her bond with her
family was strong. Nevertheless, I enjoyed our conversation
immensely so I stayed longer than I planned to. Shortly
after I left I ran into a mountain blizzard. The visibility and road
conditions deteriorated to the point where I wondered if I would be able
to make it back to Rapid City. She was aware of the blizzard and messaged
me and told me to let her know when I made it back. I was touched that she
cared enough to be worried about me. The next day, after the meeting, on
the way home I ran into another storm. Again, she messaged with her concern for
my safety. Maybe I am finally making some progress I thought to myself. I
think it after this trip that we begin to message each other on a regular
basis.
Bunny's
Story:
The first part of November he
messaged and wanted to know how far Rapid City was from where I lived. I said
about 4 or 5 hours. He said he was going to be in Rapid City for a meeting and
asked if my invitation for a home cooked meal was still open? I said
it was, he replied he would drive down from Rapid City the next evening. I was
excited to say the least. I asked what he wanted dinner? He said meatloaf, or
soup, if it is not too much of a bother. I was thinking a bother? I love
cooking and for someone who does not care what I cook... even more so. I told
my granddaughter everything about our conversation and what he wanted to eat
for supper. She said, "Yuck! No... it must be a special
meal". She planned the meal and the next day we went shopping. I cooked
roast with all the veggies, made gullet and strawberry short cake. I believe we
enjoyed the meal. But again, the conversation was what was the best part of the
evening. After 2 hours of food and conversation he left back to Rapid City in
the beginning of a winter blizzard. Later my granddaughter was wondering why a
man would come so out of his way just to eat a meal.
THANKSGIVING DINNER IN LODGE
GRASS:
Hobo Joe's Story:
During
one of our chats she asked me what I was going to do for Thanksgiving. I
replied, "I might go to the buffet at the casino". She was
aghast. She could not fathom anyone going to a buffet for Thanksgiving
dinner. A few days later, out of the blue she invited me for Thanksgiving
and I told her I would think about it. Truth was I had no intentions of
driving 600 miles for a Thanksgiving dinner. However, I kept thinking
about her invitation and a few days before Thanksgiving I decided to take her
up on her offer. I wanted to see if the comfortability I felt in her
presence was for real. At 5:00 am Thanksgiving Day I loaded up
granddaughters Anna and Star in my truck and by 1:20 pm I was pulling into
Lodge Grass. It was a great meal. She is a fantastic cook. She had
told me her sons were resistance to her dating so when her oldest son politely
asked me several questions I was prepared for them and had no problems
answering them for I am proud of my accomplishments. Later we sat on the
couch together but I felt like a schoolboy around her. I did not even put
my arm around her I felt so shy. We left early Friday morning after she
cooked us breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me an
affectionate hug as I was going out the door. While driving down the road
I was determined to see her again and the distance between us was not going to
matter.
Bunny's
story:
We started messaging each more
frequently since he came up from Rapid City for supper. It was different
to be messaging with a guy, it was exciting and made me feel young
again. I was not sure how long our friendship will last but I was hoping
it will last for a long time. I did want to get to know him better or at least
know more about him.
I asked him what he was going
to do for Thanksgiving and he said might go eat at the Casino, or one of his
kids would bring him a plate. I felt bad that he would be alone during
Thanksgiving. I invited him to come share Thanksgiving dinner with my
family. He had said he would think about it. We messaged back and forth
for a few days and he finally said he would come, but said he would have to
bring his 2 granddaughters. I could not believe it! He was going to come to eat
dinner at my house. I immediately begin to feel bubbles in the pit of my tummy.
I knew I had to make it special for him. I went out and bought my dinner
setting for the table, I even bought new center pieces. I became more anxious
as Thanksgiving Day came closer, and closer. I wanted everything to perfect for
him.
I was also scared he would
back out at the last minute. I worried every time he sent message wondering if
it would say he was not coming. When he got here I tried so hard to be
calm an act normal. I heard my son asking him several questions and I felt like
a school girl whose father was questioning her boyfriend. After dinner, I
really wanted was to be alone with him so we could talk again. There was something
about this guy. As the evening came everyone left and it was just his
granddaughters, him and I. He got quiet and we just sat not saying much. Him on
the love seat and me on the couch. I fixed a room for them to sleep in
and we all went to bed. I lay in my room alone thinking; "What in
the world am I doing... there is man in my house, a stranger, and I'm here
alone". But I also had a good feeling having him here.
NEW YEAR'S WEEKEND
Hobo Joe's story:
We
made plans for New Year's weekend, but the weather would not cooperate, at
least from her viewpoint. For the second time, I told her
weather does not interfere with my travel plans and I would be there storm, or
no storm. The storm was vicious, but I was not worried, I
had driven through plenty of worse storms and road conditions dozens
of times for less important reasons.
http://www.spiritlakeconsulting.com/d/2017/01/surviving-not-one-but-three-no.html
For, her I would have driven through a much, much worse storm. We did not go anyplace to celebrate the New Years. We just sat on her couch and talked until five in the morning. When I left, in bad weather, I wondered, what the hell was wrong with me? This old bachelor was not used to putting forth any effort into seeing a woman. I did not care. I knew I would go back.
Later
she told me family and friends were asking her, "Why did he drive 600
miles in a blizzard to visit you?" I told her, "The next
time they ask that question you should answer with
this question, 'Why wouldn't he drive 600 miles in a blizzard to come see
me?'" I have never let anything stand in my way when I wanted
something bad enough. If I did, I would probably be dead from
alcoholism long ago, or I would still be in a wheelchair, or, I would not
have received my doctorate, and I probably would be dead from cancer. Driving
600 miles through blizzards and bad roads to see a winyan I care for is nothing
to this old renegade when I compared it to the happiness, peace, and
contentment, I experience simply by spending time with her.
Bunny's Story:
He
drove 600 miles through a blizzard to be with me. And, he left in a blizzard. I
did not understand why he would drive through a bad winter storm,
down here and back, just to be with me.
MORE WEEKENDS IN MONTANA
Hobo Joe's story:
I
have since been to her home several more weekends. We do not do anything
exciting; mainly we just stay at her home and visit. Her home has become
a safe-haven for me; all my worries, my stress, my problems seem to disappear
when I am there with her. I do not get bored. In fact, watching her
do her chores brings me a contented, peaceful, feeling. We usually take a
drive to Sheridan, or Billings. It is a beautiful country and she
points out the landmarks and interesting features along the way. A couple
of times we ate lunch at some restaurant, or she would ask me what I want for
supper and we would stop and pick up the ingredients. These drives are
the closest this old Dakota will ever get to paradise.
We
manage to discuss even the most delicate subjects with respect and
consideration. On one of those drives I asked what had happened to her
husband. She told me he died in a car accident three years earlier.
I sincerely expressed my belated condolences and said this; "You have
suffered enough hardships in your life...it may sound strange, but I mean it
when I say I wish your husband hadn't passed away. Even if it meant we
wouldn't have met." Another time she spoke of how hard it was to
move on from the loss of her husband. I took that to mean we never could
be close so I told her. "Some women never remarry after losing their
husband. If you want to keep his memory close to your heart till you
meet him again in the next world, I will respect that. Should that
change, I will still be here." Apparently, I misinterpreted her for
she did not mean that at all. I assured her I would continue to treat her
special. I have taken woman for granted much too long. I am becoming aware
of how destructive my cavalier attitude can be when it comes treating women;
heck, there is always another one down the road if something go wrong. I
think it is time I grew up and I am determined to treat her the like a
queen. However, it will take considerable effort for this old bachelor to
change his attitude. I'd better if I want to keep this relationship
going.
With
each visit, I become more impressed with her character. Here was a
winyan (woman) who came from humble beginnings, left home at a very early
age, assimilated so well into her husband's tribe that its hard tell she is not
from his reservation, raised a family, endured tragedy and hardship, but never
lost her sense of humor, or became bitter and angry. Quite the opposite,
she is one of kindest and most compassionate people I have ever met. Her
pride in who she is and her self-confidence is amazing. I could not help
but be attracted to this amazing lady and vowed to treat her in a manner that
would make up for all the hardships she experienced in life.
WHAT
DOES OUR FUTURE HOLD?
Hobo
Joe and Bunny:
You would
think that at 63 years of life we would be free to do what we
want. While, we both realize we are extremely lucky to have met each other
late in my life we understand our lives are not our own. Our grown
children still need us in some form or fashion, we are each raising
two our grandchildren, and our siblings and relatives often demand our time and
attention. In addition, our obligations to our extended family the
distance between us is daunting. Therefore, are just enjoying the time we
spend together without worrying about what tomorrow will bring. We have adopted
a live in the moment mentality best described by the last verse of Rawbecca Ann
Lotus Gienowin's poem; We have The Moment We Live In Is Now:
But
all that takes place
Is
here in The Now
There
is only one heaven
And
it lives in This Now
Not
regretting the past
And
not worrying the future
It
is in this Power of Now
where
all life begins
The
only place we can change
the
state we are in
Whether
it be mind, or it matter
It
starts from within
By
living This moment
Where
life always begins
However, if there is one thing
we have learned during our 63 summers on this earth is to, never say
never. We are keeping our options open.
IS THERE A GREATER FORCE AT WORK HERE?
Were
we fated to meet? We are beginning to think so. We talked
about it several times and there are just too many coincidences for
our meeting to be accidental after 45+ plus years. While we do have one
mutual Friend she cannot remember exactly how she came across my name. And,
once she sent me a Friend request the memory of the teacher scolding her and
her sitting down while pulling down her skirt came back clear as a bell. Was it
a coincidence that I change my mine at the last minute and told the consultant
I wanted to have dinner with her by myself? And, to repeat what she
said, everything seemed so natural between us. I think she said it
best, "The Creator picked this time in our life for us to be
together". I am beginning to believe her.
CONCLUSION:
Hobo Joe Story:
After
my youngest son graduated from high school I did not have the freedom I
envisioned I would have. First, Anna banana was born and I was soon
raising her, then I was awarded custody of Sunny and Star. Finally, I
tried to save my son and his girlfriend from meth. Before I knew it, I
was on the wrong side of 60, but it did not bother me too much. Eight
years ago, when I was told I had cancer and had five years to live I
had made up my mind I was going to go to the Spirit World as a single
man. While I enjoyed the company of women I had no plans to
become romantically involved with any of them.
I
am fortunate to have met a beautiful woman who is the same age as I am
who. Who grew up on the same reservation, faced the same challenges, and
who shares similar values. We also have mutual admiration for each other,
she takes care of two grandchildren as I do, she had cancer, and I still
do. I do not feel any pressure or jealousy when I am with her because I
highly respect her integrity and honesty. I can say with certainty I
treat her better than other women I have been with. This new-found maturity makes
me open to whatever the future may hold for us.
I
will end my story with this verse from John Prine's song, In Spite of
Ourselves:
"She's
my baby,
I'm
her honey,
I'm
never going to let her go."
