In an article on Dakota values in the Tribal Leaders wiki, Spirit Lake president, Dr. Erich Longie talks about the lack of generosity of spirit he sees in many Native Americans. Although they may have feeds, giveaways and other signs of material generosity, he says, there are many who are Indian-crab-like, he says.
For those who don't know, the expression comes from an old, not very funny joke about a fisherman who has a bucket of crabs sitting next to him. When a passerby asks why there is no lid he responds,
As I mentioned in a post on the Tribal Leaders Forum, that same story is told about a lot of different ethnic groups, including in several places where it is actually referring to Indians from India.
Where does this emotional stinginess come from? Why are people so anxious to pull down others? I see this in all sorts of settings, non-profit boards, universities.
It has been attributed to various people, including Henry Kissinger, but it was most likely Henry Sayre who first said,
Erich warned me that, when we write newsletter articles, blogs or web pages, if the grammar and spelling are not perfect, people would tear it down, talk about how those people at Spirit Lake think they are so smart, coming in here with doctorates, and look, they spelled "their" wrong.
I was puzzled by this. Our earlier work was on disability and chronic illness, which is an area I have a sincere interest, education and experience. We worked with some great people like Evelyn Klimpel from Fort Berthold and Willie Davis from Turtle Mountain, who also have outstanding credentials. We were trying to provide useful information for people with disabilities and their families while also creating jobs on the reservations through our company. What could be wrong with that?
Erich would just shake his head at how naive I was and say,
This isn't just Indian people, but I have noticed that it occurs more when the stakes are smaller, and usually, on boards, committees, policy councils, the stakes are really small. When I present at a software conference where most of the people in the room are pretty successful, no one says, even under their breath or behind my back,
"That Dr. De Mars spelled 'homoscedasticity' wrong in her PowerPoint. I can't believe they gave her a Ph.D."
In fact, people don't even mention minor mistakes like that - and, of course, everyone makes those mistakes no matter how well-educated or outstanding they are in their field.
Why do people in some situations cut each other slack and in other situations, they are so mean-spirited?
I'm not sure but I think it can come from two sources. One, as Erich said, is low self-esteem. I am often shocked speechless when people will say things like,
First of all, that was six years ago. Secondly, I think someone who manages to turn their life around to that extent, get a college degree and develop a program that helps young children is amazing and even MORE deserving of respect than someone who didn't have to overcome many personal and family problems to get where she is. Finally, I can almost guarantee having met many of the Mavises of the world, that what she is thinking is almost certainly NOT "I am better than you" but more likely, "What are good ways to teach children to read? What is the best way to give that information to parents so that they can use it?"
Related to this, I think, is frustration. Fifty years ago, people knew very well that racism would keep some extremely qualified, intelligent people from positions of authority just because they were Indian, or they were women, or they did not grow up in a rich enough family to know the right people. There were people who made it through the system, got degrees, but it was very hard and there were very few of them. Now, American society is better. Not perfect, but much better. When I started working on the Spirit Lake Nation 18 years ago, I could name every person with a college degree. Now I am positive I could not begin to name even all the people who have masters degrees, much less bachelors.
However, as Oliver James, the author of Affluenza said, the result of our advertising-driven, materialistic society is that now everyone has ambition to be rich, successful, famous and powerful. In his words,
"When everyone is taught that you can be number one, even stupid people now have ambition, and stupid plus ambition equals frustrated."
I haven't heard this one - yet - but I have heard pretty close,
"I could do the job of that Dr. Young. He thinks he is so good going to medical school. Just because he got a piece of paper doesn't make him better than me. These people coming from off the reservation taking jobs away from our tribal members. I really deserve that job."
I am not saying that if you didn't go to medical school that makes you stupid. I didn't go to medical school and I think I am pretty smart.
What I AM saying is pointing out the failures of other people doesn't make you more of a success, often, it just makes you look petty and mean. If your neighbor or your friend's child does graduate from college and come back home to get a good job, celebrate with them. Instead of putting them down, you could even ask about their college experience or work experience, and any suggestions they would have for you if you might want to get a similar job. My guess is they would be pleasantly surprised at your reaction and more than happy to talk with you. Your generosity of spirit in enjoying the accomplishments of other people from your community will be appreciated and remembered far more than any dish of Indian tacos you made or star quilt you gave away.
Tobias Gibson said,
"Great people talk about ideas. Small people talk about other people."
Try to be great.
For those who don't know, the expression comes from an old, not very funny joke about a fisherman who has a bucket of crabs sitting next to him. When a passerby asks why there is no lid he responds,
"Don't need one. Them's Indian crabs. Whenever one of them gets near the top, the others pull it back down."
As I mentioned in a post on the Tribal Leaders Forum, that same story is told about a lot of different ethnic groups, including in several places where it is actually referring to Indians from India.
Where does this emotional stinginess come from? Why are people so anxious to pull down others? I see this in all sorts of settings, non-profit boards, universities.
It has been attributed to various people, including Henry Kissinger, but it was most likely Henry Sayre who first said,
"Academic politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."
Erich warned me that, when we write newsletter articles, blogs or web pages, if the grammar and spelling are not perfect, people would tear it down, talk about how those people at Spirit Lake think they are so smart, coming in here with doctorates, and look, they spelled "their" wrong.
I was puzzled by this. Our earlier work was on disability and chronic illness, which is an area I have a sincere interest, education and experience. We worked with some great people like Evelyn Klimpel from Fort Berthold and Willie Davis from Turtle Mountain, who also have outstanding credentials. We were trying to provide useful information for people with disabilities and their families while also creating jobs on the reservations through our company. What could be wrong with that?
Erich would just shake his head at how naive I was and say,
"I think it may come from low self-esteem. Whatever the source, when a person, especially an Indian person sets him or herself up as an authority, other people look for something wrong, something that they can pick out and say, 'Ha! Look, their spelling is off,' or 'They didn't know the law changed and now there are 13 categories of disability. Why should we listen to them?' "
This isn't just Indian people, but I have noticed that it occurs more when the stakes are smaller, and usually, on boards, committees, policy councils, the stakes are really small. When I present at a software conference where most of the people in the room are pretty successful, no one says, even under their breath or behind my back,
"That Dr. De Mars spelled 'homoscedasticity' wrong in her PowerPoint. I can't believe they gave her a Ph.D."
In fact, people don't even mention minor mistakes like that - and, of course, everyone makes those mistakes no matter how well-educated or outstanding they are in their field.
Why do people in some situations cut each other slack and in other situations, they are so mean-spirited?
I'm not sure but I think it can come from two sources. One, as Erich said, is low self-esteem. I am often shocked speechless when people will say things like,
"Mavis walks around here acting like she is all better than us, giving talks on teaching children to read. Does she think we don't remember when she was drunk and hanging on every man in sight?"
First of all, that was six years ago. Secondly, I think someone who manages to turn their life around to that extent, get a college degree and develop a program that helps young children is amazing and even MORE deserving of respect than someone who didn't have to overcome many personal and family problems to get where she is. Finally, I can almost guarantee having met many of the Mavises of the world, that what she is thinking is almost certainly NOT "I am better than you" but more likely, "What are good ways to teach children to read? What is the best way to give that information to parents so that they can use it?"
Related to this, I think, is frustration. Fifty years ago, people knew very well that racism would keep some extremely qualified, intelligent people from positions of authority just because they were Indian, or they were women, or they did not grow up in a rich enough family to know the right people. There were people who made it through the system, got degrees, but it was very hard and there were very few of them. Now, American society is better. Not perfect, but much better. When I started working on the Spirit Lake Nation 18 years ago, I could name every person with a college degree. Now I am positive I could not begin to name even all the people who have masters degrees, much less bachelors.
However, as Oliver James, the author of Affluenza said, the result of our advertising-driven, materialistic society is that now everyone has ambition to be rich, successful, famous and powerful. In his words,
"When everyone is taught that you can be number one, even stupid people now have ambition, and stupid plus ambition equals frustrated."
I haven't heard this one - yet - but I have heard pretty close,
"I could do the job of that Dr. Young. He thinks he is so good going to medical school. Just because he got a piece of paper doesn't make him better than me. These people coming from off the reservation taking jobs away from our tribal members. I really deserve that job."
I am not saying that if you didn't go to medical school that makes you stupid. I didn't go to medical school and I think I am pretty smart.
What I AM saying is pointing out the failures of other people doesn't make you more of a success, often, it just makes you look petty and mean. If your neighbor or your friend's child does graduate from college and come back home to get a good job, celebrate with them. Instead of putting them down, you could even ask about their college experience or work experience, and any suggestions they would have for you if you might want to get a similar job. My guess is they would be pleasantly surprised at your reaction and more than happy to talk with you. Your generosity of spirit in enjoying the accomplishments of other people from your community will be appreciated and remembered far more than any dish of Indian tacos you made or star quilt you gave away.
Tobias Gibson said,
"Great people talk about ideas. Small people talk about other people."
Try to be great.
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