Wisdom comes with age - at least, some of the time
It is probably no coincidence that most of the really sage advice I have gotten in my time came from people much older than me. No surprise - much of it did not sink in until years later. One of those sayings I heard over and over growing up was :
"Virtue is its own reward."
At the time, I thought what my grandmother meant was that you would feel good that you did the right thing and that was enough. When I was a ten years old, visiting my great-grandmother and reading to her while the other kids were outside playing, it certainly did not seem that it was rewarding. For one thing, I did NOT feel good inside that I was doing the right thing. I felt resentful, and jealous of the other kids out playing.
What does all of this have to do with ethics on Indian reservations, or anywhere else for that matter? Well, as often happens in life, I turned out to be completely wrong about things in my younger days.
In fact, what my grandma meant was much more practical, she truly believed that if you live an ethical life of moral courage that you have a better life, better relationships, are a happier person and feel good about yourself. She was right, as usual.
All of those things Erich has been discussing in the new Introduction to Tribal Ethics course relate back to all of those lessons my grandmother tried to tap into my rebellious, ungrateful adolescent self.
Courage, perseverance/ fortitude, honesty and generosity. One of the best, most rewarding parts of my life is the good friends that I have. My late husband once said,
I have been unbelievably lucky. It is not that I have so many friends but that they are so good. I can think of a half-dozen people who I have known for ten, twenty or thirty years who have NEVER been anything but honest with me. One of the topics discussed in the tribal leaders course under "Myths of Ethical Change" is "everyone is doing it". That is, everyone lies, goes back on their word.
I don't and if you do, you and I won't be friends. We might be acquaintances, we might do business together and be perfectly polite to one another, but we won't be friends. Friends are people like Dr. Erich Longie, who, when my husband died many years ago and the lender wanted to immediately call the note on my house because I only had one income, offered to go to the college board and ask them to pay me my entire year's salary in advance so I could pay off my mortgage. (I sold the house and it worked out fine, but that wasn't the point.) Friends are people like Dr. Jacob Flores who drove hours in pouring rain in rush hour traffic from one end of Los Angeles county to the other to make a house call because my daughter was sick.
If you are a person who keeps your word, who is loyal, honest and hard-working, those are the kind of people who you will have around you. If you are just the opposite, you may fool some people for a while. Eventually, they will catch on. In the end, you will be left with people just like yourself. If you are one of those people on a board or committee who never does your share, eventually, you'll find no one wants to work with you. If you are the opposite, you'll have the smartest, hardest workers on your side, because these are people like you, who have perseverance and fortitude.
The absolutely most important aspect of my life is my children. I hear people justify unethical behavior using their children,
"I can't vote against that person, even though he molested those girls and I know it, even though he embezzled a hundred thousand dollars. What if I lose my job? What if he takes me to court and I lose everything I own? I need to think of my family first."
I think of my family first, too. I think of the kind of role model I will present for them, of giving them an example of courage, honesty, perseverance and generosity, so that they can develop into good strong people. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but if you act daily as an ethical person, you are less likely to have children who are confused, lazy, selfish, cowardly or dishonest.
Your children will learn from the model you give them, and, when they are older, you'll reap the benefits if you did provide an ethical example - and pay the price if you did not.
A lot of whether your life is good or bad is determined by the kind of people around you. A lot of what kind of people are around you is determined by the kind of person you are. You get what you earn.
It is probably no coincidence that most of the really sage advice I have gotten in my time came from people much older than me. No surprise - much of it did not sink in until years later. One of those sayings I heard over and over growing up was :
"Virtue is its own reward."
At the time, I thought what my grandmother meant was that you would feel good that you did the right thing and that was enough. When I was a ten years old, visiting my great-grandmother and reading to her while the other kids were outside playing, it certainly did not seem that it was rewarding. For one thing, I did NOT feel good inside that I was doing the right thing. I felt resentful, and jealous of the other kids out playing.What does all of this have to do with ethics on Indian reservations, or anywhere else for that matter? Well, as often happens in life, I turned out to be completely wrong about things in my younger days.
In fact, what my grandma meant was much more practical, she truly believed that if you live an ethical life of moral courage that you have a better life, better relationships, are a happier person and feel good about yourself. She was right, as usual.
All of those things Erich has been discussing in the new Introduction to Tribal Ethics course relate back to all of those lessons my grandmother tried to tap into my rebellious, ungrateful adolescent self.
Courage, perseverance/ fortitude, honesty and generosity. One of the best, most rewarding parts of my life is the good friends that I have. My late husband once said,
"A man meets thousands of people, makes hundreds of acquaintances but if he can count on a dozen good friends in his life, he should consider himself lucky."
I have been unbelievably lucky. It is not that I have so many friends but that they are so good. I can think of a half-dozen people who I have known for ten, twenty or thirty years who have NEVER been anything but honest with me. One of the topics discussed in the tribal leaders course under "Myths of Ethical Change" is "everyone is doing it". That is, everyone lies, goes back on their word.
I don't and if you do, you and I won't be friends. We might be acquaintances, we might do business together and be perfectly polite to one another, but we won't be friends. Friends are people like Dr. Erich Longie, who, when my husband died many years ago and the lender wanted to immediately call the note on my house because I only had one income, offered to go to the college board and ask them to pay me my entire year's salary in advance so I could pay off my mortgage. (I sold the house and it worked out fine, but that wasn't the point.) Friends are people like Dr. Jacob Flores who drove hours in pouring rain in rush hour traffic from one end of Los Angeles county to the other to make a house call because my daughter was sick.
If you are a person who keeps your word, who is loyal, honest and hard-working, those are the kind of people who you will have around you. If you are just the opposite, you may fool some people for a while. Eventually, they will catch on. In the end, you will be left with people just like yourself. If you are one of those people on a board or committee who never does your share, eventually, you'll find no one wants to work with you. If you are the opposite, you'll have the smartest, hardest workers on your side, because these are people like you, who have perseverance and fortitude.
The absolutely most important aspect of my life is my children. I hear people justify unethical behavior using their children,
"I can't vote against that person, even though he molested those girls and I know it, even though he embezzled a hundred thousand dollars. What if I lose my job? What if he takes me to court and I lose everything I own? I need to think of my family first."
I think of my family first, too. I think of the kind of role model I will present for them, of giving them an example of courage, honesty, perseverance and generosity, so that they can develop into good strong people. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but if you act daily as an ethical person, you are less likely to have children who are confused, lazy, selfish, cowardly or dishonest.
Your children will learn from the model you give them, and, when they are older, you'll reap the benefits if you did provide an ethical example - and pay the price if you did not.
A lot of whether your life is good or bad is determined by the kind of people around you. A lot of what kind of people are around you is determined by the kind of person you are. You get what you earn.
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