Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
[Over a year ago, Erich wrote a blog on self-honesty/ self-awareness. He asked why, when most tribal members clearly know right from wrong do they engage in unethical behavior. He argued that part of it is unethical environments. When you see everyone coming in late, and it is hard for you to get up in the morning yourself, you start sleeping in. You have a lot of personal tasks to get completed (who doesn't) and everyone else takes an hour or two for lunch instead of half an hour. Why not you? It's a slippery slope. Initially, you compare yourself to others and say I'm ethical, I'm not like Joe who comes in an hour late and takes a two-hour lunch' Be careful because a few years from now people may be justifying their behavior by comparing themselves to you!
Where does this apply to board members? The new board comes in and they have friends who want positions, who want favors. There are people who have 'done them wrong' in the past and this is a chance to get even.
Is it any wonder that soon the people who voted for us are saying that nothing has changed? The key is, as Erich points out, relentless self-honesty.
Here is an example from today. A board member, let's call her Louise, had continually been disparaging the director of a project, "Sam", and there had been other issues. When I mentioned to Sam some of what Louise had been doing, Sam directed her to follow the chain of command and not take action without his approval. Louise was furious with me and said a lot of things I thought were pretty unnecessary. When I spoke to Erich about this he asked,
"Why didn't you just talk to Louise yourself?"
I replied,
"I did, so many times I am tired of it. This has been going on for a long time with her trying to undermine Sam."
Erich said,
"Then, the reason you did what you did wasn't necessarily that it was the right thing to do but because YOU were tired of dealing with Louise. So, maybe Louise is right to be mad at you. Maybe the right thing to do was to keep dealing with Louise even though you are tired of her. It sounds like a lack of perseverance on your part."
I started to protest that Sam had not deserved the lack of support from Louise but Erich cut me off with a story...
"I watched a movie once where these prisoners ended up mixed in with a group of rich people. One of the prisoners asked,
'We're bad people. We're supposed to act like this. What's your excuse?'
My point is that we have to show the proper respect and consideration even toward people who might be behaving badly at the moment. Talking behind someone's back, subverting the chain of command, ignoring policies and procedures - none of those things a person might do makes it okay for YOU not to confront the person directly, deal with him or her fairly and try to resolve the conflict. The hell of it is that person probably won't appreciate it and may be just as mad at you as if you had not continued to try to treat her fairly. That's not the point. The point is you have to treat everyone right. If it was a friend of yours, if it was me, would you have been too tired of dealing with it or would you have approached me yourself?"
RELENTLESS self-honesty. When someone hollers at you at a board meeting or outside of one, when people attack you, ignore the venom, ignore the shouting and try to honestly answer whether somewhere in there you are completely blameless. If you are at fault, try to fix it and if you can't fix it at least try to do better in the future.
[Over a year ago, Erich wrote a blog on self-honesty/ self-awareness. He asked why, when most tribal members clearly know right from wrong do they engage in unethical behavior. He argued that part of it is unethical environments. When you see everyone coming in late, and it is hard for you to get up in the morning yourself, you start sleeping in. You have a lot of personal tasks to get completed (who doesn't) and everyone else takes an hour or two for lunch instead of half an hour. Why not you? It's a slippery slope. Initially, you compare yourself to others and say I'm ethical, I'm not like Joe who comes in an hour late and takes a two-hour lunch' Be careful because a few years from now people may be justifying their behavior by comparing themselves to you!
Where does this apply to board members? The new board comes in and they have friends who want positions, who want favors. There are people who have 'done them wrong' in the past and this is a chance to get even.
Why is this new president telling them they can't do that? Why did John get to put his friends in positions and give them favors and now that I am a board member and my friends are much better and more qualified people than John's, you're telling me that I can't put them into positions? John paid his way to Hawaii from board funds and you want me to pay my own hotel room for the board meeting off site. How unfair is that?
Is it any wonder that soon the people who voted for us are saying that nothing has changed? The key is, as Erich points out, relentless self-honesty.
Here is an example from today. A board member, let's call her Louise, had continually been disparaging the director of a project, "Sam", and there had been other issues. When I mentioned to Sam some of what Louise had been doing, Sam directed her to follow the chain of command and not take action without his approval. Louise was furious with me and said a lot of things I thought were pretty unnecessary. When I spoke to Erich about this he asked,
"Why didn't you just talk to Louise yourself?"
I replied,
"I did, so many times I am tired of it. This has been going on for a long time with her trying to undermine Sam."
Erich said,
"Then, the reason you did what you did wasn't necessarily that it was the right thing to do but because YOU were tired of dealing with Louise. So, maybe Louise is right to be mad at you. Maybe the right thing to do was to keep dealing with Louise even though you are tired of her. It sounds like a lack of perseverance on your part."
I started to protest that Sam had not deserved the lack of support from Louise but Erich cut me off with a story...
"I watched a movie once where these prisoners ended up mixed in with a group of rich people. One of the prisoners asked,
'We're bad people. We're supposed to act like this. What's your excuse?'
My point is that we have to show the proper respect and consideration even toward people who might be behaving badly at the moment. Talking behind someone's back, subverting the chain of command, ignoring policies and procedures - none of those things a person might do makes it okay for YOU not to confront the person directly, deal with him or her fairly and try to resolve the conflict. The hell of it is that person probably won't appreciate it and may be just as mad at you as if you had not continued to try to treat her fairly. That's not the point. The point is you have to treat everyone right. If it was a friend of yours, if it was me, would you have been too tired of dealing with it or would you have approached me yourself?"
RELENTLESS self-honesty. When someone hollers at you at a board meeting or outside of one, when people attack you, ignore the venom, ignore the shouting and try to honestly answer whether somewhere in there you are completely blameless. If you are at fault, try to fix it and if you can't fix it at least try to do better in the future.
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