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Original materials below are reproduced from Coping.org, a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., 6319 Chauncy Street, Tampa, FL 33647 Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2004 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. |
C. Steps to Take after Your Child has been Diagnosed
What should you do after your child has been diagnosed as having a disability or special need? Here are just a few suggestions:
Admit there is a problem and go to the proper sources for help:Agencies (city, county, state, or national)
Professionals (physicians, psychologists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, audiologists, speech therapists, etc. )
Programs and schools (for training the child and/or family members)
Accept your child as your child is:
Let up on pressuring or expecting normal development or learning patterns and responses
Stop trying to fix child. Instead, help child in the ways the child can develop (For example, ask or tell child one thing at a time)
Praise your child
Set Goals and praise your child for each small accomplishment, and take the large goals you have for your child and break them down to workable objectives or action steps which are attainable given your child's capacity to learn and develop
Don't dwell on your child's failures.
Find your child's strengths and strong points and emphasize them.
Be there when your child needs you:
Really listen to your child. Your child is saying ''help me'' when your child misbehaves.
Don't let other children or adults make fun of your child or how your child is developing. If others make fun of your child, educate them and try to explain to your child that the world is a "hard" or "mean" place and that people don't always act nicely towards people whom they do not understand fully what is wrong with them or what makes them different from the norm.
Plan ahead for your child. Don't put your child in a setting that would do more harm than good.
Learn to have patience:
Give short-term tasks, one at a time.
As a parent, work to understand your child.
Properly discipline your child:
Be consistent.
Set short-term consequences and stick to them consistently.
Give positive reinforcements for good conduct, like a special privilege, but keep it simple.
Keep track of your child's progress to encourage behavior that is expected. Don't dwell on behavioral failures. Reinforce for behavioral successes.
Use Pathfinder: Tools for Raising Responsible Children (J. J. Messina, 1994, 1998, Tampa, FL: Advanced Development Systems) as a guide to follow in providing a consistent behavioral program to raise your child to become a responsible person
Be honest:
Don't tell your child there is nothing wrong. No one knows better than your child does that something is wrong with the child's physical, intellectual, language, emotional or social development.
Don't promise a quick cure.
Take a positive approach:
Reassure your child that there is help for the developmental problem.
Development may seem slow, but let your child know that you are in it together.
Have faith and trust in the people who are trying to help your child:
Don't rely on neighbors or lay people for a solution to this serious problem.
Cooperate in every way you can when help is offered.
Give qualified suggestions a fair chance to work.
But, be ready to seek out second opinions or other intervention options for your child if you feel you are chasing down a blind ally and getting nowhere.
Don't give up:
Join parent groups for better understanding.
Keep communication lines open between yourselves, staff, and child.
Check out anything of which you are unsure.
Work at trying to understand all you can about your child's condition.
Talk with other parents who have children with similar problems.
Recognize that your child can accomplish only if you believe your child can.
Keep open lines of communication with those in charge of giving care to your child, e.g., teachers, therapists, doctors, church officials, scout leaders, club sponsors, allied health personnel.
It is imperative that you maintain your head and wits about you after you have been given the news of the special need of your child. You are in a vulnerable state at this time and are open to be overly reactive and you might jump on the first solution which comes your way. Remember that your child needs you to be rational and clear headed as you proceed to engage helpers to address your child's needs. You are in the best position to get your child started on the right footing from the point of initial diagnosis if you just "Keep your head about you."
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