Avoiding Abuse
Treating your employees unjustly is not only
bad ethically. It is bad for business. In this section, we
are going to put you in the position of being a BOSS. How
do you keep calm at work and reduce the likelihood of
creating an abusive environment?
1. Recognize the difference between complaints and
personal criticism
In a complaint, a co-worker states specifically what is
upsetting her, and criticizes her co-worker’s action, not
the individual, saying how it made her feel: “When you left
early to meet your boyfriend at the casino, it made me feel
like you thought you were better than me, that I needed to
stay here and be here for clients when you could just take
off whenever you wanted to.” Goleman says,
" It is an expression of basic emotional intelligence:
being assertive, without being belligerent or passive”
In our experience, young workers especially seem to have
difficulty in distinguishing between criticism of work
performance and a personal attack.
2. Avoiding personal attacks: Use the XYZ
formula
Originally coined by Psychologist Haim Ginott, the formula
is to tell the other person, "When you did X, it made me
feel Y, and I’d rather you did Z instead.”
For example: “When you didn’t call to tell me you were
going to miss our dinner appointment, I felt unappreciated
and angry. I wish you’d call to let me know next time
because I spent two hours waiting at the restaurant when I
could have been getting work done on our latest project.”
instead of “You’re an arrogant jerk who thinks your value
to the company is much greater than mine. Well, I'll show
you. I quit!,” which is how the issue is all too often put
in in a moment of anger. Avoid threats and insults.