Caregiving for Older Relatives with Disabilities: Emotional Adjustment
As an individual becomes visually impaired, he or she depends on family members for transportation and assistance with daily living. This is a difficult adjustment for many older adults who have always been the strong person that their children, nieces and nephews relied upon. Now, the older person must rely on them. This can have a negative impact on self-worth, the older person is no longer as independent, no longer as in control of his or her own life. People may withdraw, not wanting to be seen by their family.
Hearing loss makes the situation more difficult. It becomes harder to communicate with others. Unlike people who are deaf from a young age, older adults don't know sign language or lip reading and they don't identify with a deaf culture. As they lose vision and hearing ability, they may become less comfortable with touch, as it is unexpected when you don't see or hear a person until they are very close. Imagine being startled by someone coming up behind you.
Your older relative may become isolated and withdrawn. When a person cannot see or hear very well what is going on, it is easy to feel lost in a crowd and 'out of it', like being at a part where no one is speaking to you. It is easier to just stay home where you know where everything is and your visual impairment is not so noticeable. Often, younger relatives give up trying to communicate because it is frustrating to keep repeating the same thing.
Although professionals often recommend that older adults learn to ask for assistance, we found this to be difficult for many people who are accustomed to being independent. On the other hand, we did not feel comfortable recommending that younger relatives just show up and clean house or shovel someone's walk without asking.
Here are a couple of suggestions from previous participants:
"When I ask my dad, 'Do you need any help with anything?', he always says no, even though I know he is getting on and some things are kind of difficult for him. His eyesight is going and he can't lift things like he used to. So, now, instead, when I'm over there visiting, after a big supper my mom's made for me, I'll say, 'Dad, I'm feeling pretty stuffed, I think I better get up and move around. Maybe, I'll clean up the garage and take out the trash in there, what do you think?' and he'll say, 'Yeah, I don't mind. If you want to, go ahead.' "
A woman related the same experience with her 87-year-old aunt,
"I've put on over 30 pounds in the last few years, now that I don't have to be chasing after little kids any more. So, I tell my auntie I'm going to come over to her house and cut the grass in the summer and shovel snow in the winter because I need the exercise. When my son was home he used to do it and she would pay him, so he got a little money and she got her work done. Now that he's not around, I do it. Afterwards, we sit and drink something cold (or hot, depending on the time of year) and visit.
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TEN MINUTE ASSSIGNMENT: Give us your suggestions for providing assistance to older adults (please) Email us at INFO@spiritlakeconsulting.com |
