DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: More important facts
Domestic violence, which is mostly (over 95% of the time) abuse of a woman by a man with whom she is in a relationship, occurs in dating relationships, live-in couples, teenage couples and married couples.
QUIT ASKING "Why doesn't she leave?" AND START ASKING, "How can I help?"
75% of women murdered by their partners were attempting to leave or had already left.
What you can do to help?
Call the police. We keep saying that. Time after time, women who have been beaten, kicked, slapped and abused in other ways in front of friends relatives and neighbors say that no one did anything to help. When you hear the screaming and shouting going on, do you call the police? When you see a woman time after time with bruises, do you call the police? Do you offer to help? When she is away from her husband and boyfriend, with her children, do you offer to take her somewhere safe, offer to provide a ride anywhere she needs it, with her children?
The first step is to get away from the abuser and get into a supportive program. As women spend more time away from their abuser, get more education and counseling, their self-esteem increases, their ability to support themselves financially increases.
If your community does not have a domestic violence unit in the police department, ask to have one set up. One recommended program is for the domestic violence unit to send follow-up letters, make phone calls and visits to victims for a year following a reported abusive incident. One reason abuse occurs is that the abuser feels 'safe' hitting this victim, where he is able to control his impulses to hit others in society, including police officers. Communities that have started such programs have seen a drop in domestic violence.
If your community does not have a battered women's shelther, START ONE!
Getting away: two incidents from years ago...
A relative of mine was in a very unhealthy relationship. At the time, I was in college, living in an apartment I shared with a roommate. I was a teenager. No one cared what I thought about anything. I didn't have any money or any real resources but there was an empty bedroom in the apartment. I told her, offhandedly,
"You know, you could always live here with me."
The next day, to my surprise, she showed up with two cardboard boxes and announced she was leaving her boyfriend. She didn't have any more money than I did and once she had a place to stay, she jumped at the chance. I am not pretending this solved all of her problems but it did get her out of that relationship.
A friend of mine who is big enough he pretty much has to turn sideways to go through the door also has a heart of gold. I called his house one day and a strange woman answered. He told me,
"I volunteer at the Battered Women's Shelter sometimes and this woman needed a place to stay for a while. I told her she could stay here because I don't think her ex-boyfriend is going to be too anxious to be hitting anyone in front of me."
