by Dr. Erich Longie
Traditionally, the Dakota always put their children first. This was a matter of survival as well as of our traditional values. If you were not watching your child, if you did not teach him to swim or to be careful at the edge of the lake, he would fall in and drown. The most important gift you could give your child was independence. There was no social security, no Medicare, and although we have always had a strong sense of generosity, you were not expected to sit around your tipi while the other members of the tribe hunted buffalo or carried water.
In working with parents for over two decades, I can confidently state that one of the most important factors in preventing behavior problems is consistency. I saw this with my little granddaughter who has just turned 18 months old. She was climbing up on the coffee table in my living room. This table is pretty high and it is not a safe place for her to be. Each time she would climb up there, I would pick her up, put her down on the floor and tell her very seriously, "No."
She is too young to talk, and yet, she understood after a while that she is not to get up on that table. Too often, I see young parents say to a child, "Don't do that", without getting out of their chair or getting any response from their child. Maybe after the fourth or fifth time the child does something, they slap her hand, yell at her or actually stop the child from opening the door, climbing on a desk or whatever she was told not to do. Then, it happens a couple more times and the parent ignores it.
This inconsistency is planting the seed of having a problem with your child's behavior as he or she gets older. The child has learned that you don't really mean what you say.
Next page: Another view of consistency