In working with children with severe emotional disorders in middle school, I found that, as Bruno Bettelheim did in the school where he taught 40 years before me, most of them had no idea how to make a friend. They did not know what you said to another person on the phone, and, in fact, had never made a phone call to a friend because they had never had a friend to call
Both as a parent and a teacher, I have spent much time directly teaching social skills. The three most important for communication, in my experience are, in the opposite order of importance:
- Taking turns and following other rules
- Understanding appropriate topics for communication
- Not being physically or verbally threatening to other people
When a child interrupts, I do not respond to the child's question or statement, which is a a mistake many, many people make. That just reinforces the habit of interrupting. I will say, "You interrupted me. You need to wait until I am finished talking with this person first."
I did this every time. As Dr. Longie always emphasizes, the most important key in teaching any behavior is consistency. Do this experiment on your own. Watch children in the store, in school, around family and notice how many times the child who interrupts actually gets the attention of an adult. Is it no wonder that children develop bad habits?
As Bill Cosby said, "Parents don't want justice. They want peace and quiet."
So, they respond to the Tommy who is interrupting to get him to be quiet, and they ignore the one patiently waiting. What is the child thinking who is patiently waiting?
"I was talking first. Tommy is a brat. I don't like him."
Next page: Teaching social skills - what can you say