There are some things you just do not say. Whenever a child is speaking inappropriately, there are three possibilities.
- They are saying some things we just don't say - ever
- They are discussing something that we just don't talk about in "polite" company
- They are discussing an acceptable topic but in an unacceptable way
Ryan, who you may remember from the section on behavior disorders from our Family Life & Disability workshop, has a habit of swearing at and threatening other children,
"I'm going to kick your $## , you $!@% "
Ryan's mom, now that she has quit drinking, sits Ryan on the couch and says to him,
"We do not call people names. We do not threaten people."
If they are somewhere like McDonalds, she immediately takes him by the hand, and they leave, as she repeats the same two statements. Do we need to add that she does this every time he swears at or threatens someone, even if she has just sat down, even if it means putting his snowsuit and boots back on right after she just took them off and going outside again.
Kala, who is in high school, found out that her sister had a sexually-transmitted disease. She told one person who listened with great interest. Since not too many people pay attention to Kala and she has found a good story, she repeated it to many other people. Now, Kala's sister is in tears and says she hates her. Kala's mom is mad at her and Kala thinks it is SO unfair, because,
"I wasn't the one out having sex with people and getting diseases, it was her. All I did was talk about it. Why am I the one that's bad?"
Five minute assignment: List all the things you can think of that one does not discuss. For example, it is not appropriate to come up to women and say, "Are you on your period today? I am."
How do you talk about things you don't talk about?