There is a great deal of research in early childhood on the importance of play. Through play, children learn about rules, social relationships and communication. Many of you have probably read the essay, "All I really needed to know, I learned in kindergarten," which provides us such sage lessons as "Share." and, "When you go out in the wide world, it's good to hold hands".
For children with disabilities, finding and keeping friends is not so easy. In her touching article about her daughter with Down syndrome, Cathy Haarstad says,
"We celebrated when she was invited to her first birthday party and cried when she outgrew her first friend."
(Click here to read the entire article, Life with Sara , found in our Virtual Library.)
One of our favorite insights on disability is from the Russian psychologist, Vygotsky, who said that children with disabilities often have to be directly taught what other childen naturally learn. The skills children may need to be taught include solving conflicts, communication and developing friendships.
Conflicts among children are not all bad, although it may be hard to keep that in mind when you have a child laying on the floor screaming. Through disputes with their peers, young children learn to make concessions and to cooperate if they want to continue to play. Unlike in their interaction with adults, when a group of children are playing, no one 'is the boss of me' and no one can force me to keep playing if I don't want to.
Peer relationships help young children to develop mentally as well as socially. It is normal for young children to have an egocentric view of the world as revolving around them. What is important is me, what I want. In playing with other children, a child learns that if she does not consider what the others' interests and feelings are, they won't play with her.
When one child wants to play on the slide and another wants to build a sand castle at the bottom of it, each learns that people have thoughts and feelings that are different from theirs. Through conflicts, children can learn how their behavior affects other people.
Next page: Teaching children how to make and keep friends