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Working mothers feel guilt when:
- Leaving a crying child at day care
- Being apart from the child for long hours
- Being short-tempered at the end of the day after working and being away from her child, a working mother often feels as if she should be patient and cheerful with her child, instead of tired and impatient.
- Feeling inadequate at mothering. This is even more true with children with disabilities. Worst of all is when the mother works in education, special education or other related field. She works with other people's children all day. She should know what to do with her own - shouldn't she?
- Not receiving supportive attitude from others
- Struggling with the decision to work or not
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At-Home mothers feel guilt when:
- Worrying that children may become too dependent, that she may be providing too much care for them. Maybe her daughter would learn to drive if she wasn't available to drive her around all the time.
- Considering the extras that additional income could provide
- Felling that society expects more than “just a housewife”
- Feeling tired of being restricted to home and children. Again, mothers of children with disabilities may feel even more guilt in these situations. My child needs me so much - how could I possibly feel like I need to get out more. I must be a bad mother.
- Knowing that spouses bear the financial burdens
- Realizing children are not perfect despite full-time mothering. Again, this may be even greater for mothers of children with disabilities. After I went to all the IEP meetings, volunteered at my child's school, did all of the physical therapy exercises at home with her and she still went out and got drunk after senior prom. How could this happen?
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Congratulations. You're human. There is even better news, though. Although you will feel guilt in all of the situations above, you will also find satisfaction in seeing your children grow and develop and knowing that you have played a part in nurturing that growth. Although it sounds a little like something your grandmother would say, we have found it is completely true that this satisfaction is often greater when your child has a disability. Each time one of my children was in a school play, I was proud. Still, when my daughter who had been in speech therapy for years, who we were not sure would ever talk like other children, had the lead part in the second grade play, it was an incredible feeling. I videotaped her play and sent it to her speech pathologist, who was just excited as I was.
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