Why parents and teachers don't always get along
I should love my daughter's teacher, right? I mean, she works with my child in the Head Start program, and it is not as if I can't see that Adrienne has special needs and isn't the easiest to take care of sometimes. But, that's kind of the point, isn't it? She ought to understand she has special needs. When I heard she put Adrienne in time-out last week, I was so mad! Who does she think she is punishing my daughter? She said Adrienne hit another child with a block. Well, why wasn't the teacher there to stop it?Here's another thing, though, and I know it sounds so stupid, but Adrienne has these crying fits when she just can't stop, and the other day, I went to pick her up at Head Start and she was just screaming and crying, and her teacher was rocking her and holding her. The teacher looked up at me and said, "It really seems to help calm her down when she is rocked. You really should think about getting a rocking chair for home.
Excuse me, who does she think she is telling me what kind of furniture to buy? And then I felt really bad for saying that to her because here she is rocking my baby and trying to make her feel better.
As a parent, especially a new parent or a young parent of a child with a disability, it is so easy, and normal, to feel vulnerable.
Where parents and teachers are in conflict
Areas of Expertise : You want to take care of your child and, in some ways, you are the expert. You have known her since she was born. But then, the teacher may have some specialized knowledge of behavior management for children with emotional problems, positioning for children with physical disabilities. All of a sudden, this stranger seems to be taking better care of your child than you. How do you handle that? My advice is to learn from the teacher. Accept that you don't know everything. You aren't perfect. (Congratulations! You're human.) The teacher may not be perfect either. It actually sounds like Adrienne's teacher is a nice woman. Even if she is a completely rotten person, if she has information you can learn to help your child, that is the goal. Where it sounds like Adrienne's teacher might do better is to talk with her mother more. There may be a reason that her mother is against using time-out. Her mother may know that, when Adrienne is crowded in a group with other children that it frustrates her and she tends to lash out. These are some of the many facts that should be discussed in the IFSP meeting.
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