Dr. Erich Longie
A couple of weeks after the funeral, at the request from the mother of one of Joel’s friends, I bought pizza and I met with 15–20 of his friends in her garage. It was sad to see those kids struggle with their grief. It was apparent they really loved and missed my son. I asked them to tell me about my son, the side of him that I was apparently unaware of.
Out of that meeting came many friendships both with the young people at that meeting and with some of their parents. (I heard “Joel spent most of his time at our house” many, many times. How he could have spent the time at every friend’s house that they all claimed he did is beyond me! “There must have been 3 or 4 Joels running around Devils Lake,” I joked to my friend Carol Davis one day when I was visiting with her.) Not to mention Joel’s friends and relatives in Dunseith and here on Spirit Lake. All of them claimed they were Joel’s best friends.
“Joel ALWAYS came to see me when he came to visit,”
each one of his relatives from Dunseith told me. There have been at least 5 babies born since Joel’s death who bear his name or some variation of his name.
I have also talked at three schools about the dangers of drinking and driving. (Joel was legally drunk at the time of his accident.) I did an hour-and-a-half presentation at a tribal college and spoke to a church group. I spoke to a boosters club when some parents questioned whether to hold an event honoring my son at their first home basketball game. When the event was held, I spoke to the spectators present. I held a memorial one year after he died and sponsored a memorial basketball tournament each year for four years. I gave up poker and tried to avoid extravagant living for four years per our customs and I continue to put a rose on his grave the first of every month. (I drove around in an old rez beater, a 1983 Ford, for so long that several people, including my son wondered why I didn’t buy a new car. I did not bother to tell them I would as soon as the four years were up.)
After listening to literally dozens stories from adults and teenagers about Joel, I believe I have a partial answer to why my son was so special to so many people. Aside from being a “nice kid” with an amazing smile, he was always upbeat and… just happy all the time. In addition, he had ability to relate to almost any kid he met. He sincerely felt sorry for those kids who were less fortunate then him and if the situation called for it, he had the courage to help them out. (One kid told me,
“I met Joel in the eighth grade. Other boys were picking on me and Joel stuck up for me. He was the only friend I had.”
A young lady told me of the time when she was having a bad day and Joel took the time to visit with her and cheer her up.) Joel was also very respectful towards adults and the elderly. A cop, who had stopped him for “doing cookies” called me, instead of, “tattling” on him, he apparently felt the need to tell me how respectful Joel was toward him. My sister told me, how respectful Joel was toward her. “He always called me 'Auntie', when he talked to me”, she said. (After the funeral, I directed Marshall and Ryan to always address my brothers and sisters by Uncle and/or Auntie when talking to them.) A gas station owner told me how he would offer to put more then the $10 worth of gas, that I allowed him, in Joel’s car. Instead, Joel would refuse saying, “ My dad has other bills to pay”. This response amazed him, I can’t believe a young kid would say that, he told me. However, I don’t really know why he was so special to so many people. Maybe it was because he was just Joel.
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