Adulthood, Aging and Disability

A Product of Disability Access: Empowering Tribal Members with Disabilities & Their Families
by Spirit Lake Consulting, Inc.

SEXUALITY AND SPECIAL NEEDS

Dr. De Mars

(This isn't the section of the course where that Hispanic woman is going to talk about sex is it? Oh, no!)

People with disabilities have sexual feelings just like everyone else, and if they get the opportunity, they have sexual experiences as well. Since I have four children, I guess it is pretty obvious that I have had sex more than once. In the United States, we are very uncomfortable talking about sex. We don't even educate children about puberty. When we do talk about sex, we joke about it, talk around the subject and are as indirect as possible.

"Some day, son, when you are washing yourself in the bathtub, you will notice you have grown a little tipi. You know what that means? That means you are going to make the girls really happy."

"All girls have a special place. That means you are a woman. You need to keep your special place to yourself."

You may now be relieve that you have had "THE TALK" with your developmentally disabled son or daughter, while your daughter is wondering if her closet is her 'special place' or maybe it is under her bed. Your son is not sure how a tipi is going to fit in the bathtub or what the heck it would be doing in there, anyway and if he wanted to give it to a girl, how would he get it out of the bathroom.

The above are actual responses we have received when we have asked parents to role-play telling their son or daughter with a disability about sex. The parents say,

"Well, it's not really necessary, they will learn about it at school, or from the other kids on the playground, just like I did."

I have heard that line many times and I am not sure if they are joking or serious when people say that. All I know is that I wouldn't even let the kids on the playground teach my daughter about long division, and they don't get pregnant or AIDS from not knowing how to find a remainder.

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