I met the couple above a few years ago. At the time, they were both dating, both taking a college course. Both have a hearing impairment. The young woman's face lit up as she told me about their first date. She said that she had been in a bar and she had seen him, but didn't think he noticed her. He must have known the family, because he happened to be talking to her sister the next day and asked did she think that the young woman would want to go out with him. As she told me the story she said,
"I was so excited when my sister told me that, I was jumping up and down. I didn't know what to say!"
Now, as someone who has gone through the teenage years of several daughters, I can tell you that the above is a very common situation. Why should it be any different for people with disabilities? You see someone you like, they like you. One person asks the other one to go to dinner, a movie or for a cup of coffee. The second person is thrilled to be asked. The first person is happy and relieved that the answer was 'Yes'. Happens a million times a day all over the country. So, what could possibly go wrong? Well, there are a lot of things that can go wrong in any relationship. One of my cynical friends explained his latest break-up as,
"It was the same old story. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl breaks boy's heart."
On top of all the other possible problems, though, people with disabilities, especially intellectual or behavioral disorders, have three more common types. They are more likely to say things related to sexuality in situations where they should not. They are more likely to engage in behavior that is either sexually inappropriate or could be interpreted the wrong way. For example, when you sit on a strange man's lap, he does not automatically think,
"She wants to be my friend."
In addition, people with disabilities may have a hard time understanding the vague terms we use because we are embarrassed about sex. If you tell your daughter with mental retardation she 'has a special place' she may think that you are talking about her closet or her jewelry box rather than her vagina. We are not saying that all people with disabilities will have problems, but that these are some areas where education should focus.
Sex and social mistakes